NatRHOlly Me, NatRHOlly PoetiQ, NatRHOlly Ki

Oh em geesh I am LITERALLY at my own wits end… I can’t stand the atmosphere in this...

Mon, 18 Feb 2013 18:07:24 -0600

Oh em geesh I am LITERALLY at my own wits end… I can’t stand the atmosphere in this house when she returns… The slamming the mubling the freaking passive aggressiveness… I can not take it… I gotta get out of here I am going through enough of my own stuff to deal with this too… Advice for any other recent grad out there… Don’t stay with family if you don’t have too… If I had my car, this would not be a problem… I’d just get in it and drive to anywhere… hell if I had my car I’d probably live outta that right now…

Why can’t he see that he is hurting me to the core? Or does he see and honestly doesn’t...

Wed, 30 Jan 2013 18:20:13 -0600

Why can’t he see that he is hurting me to the core? Or does he see and honestly doesn’t give a fuck

Photo

Sun, 30 Dec 2012 10:29:19 -0600

Photo

Sun, 30 Dec 2012 10:27:03 -0600

Living in my situation amazes me. Living with someone who for the most part is jealous of my youth....

Sun, 30 Dec 2012 10:17:50 -0600

Living in my situation amazes me. Living with someone who for the most part is jealous of my youth. I made decisions that they could have made but didn’t. She told me the other day that I was just so smart, it came naturally. No it doesn’t. I’ve worked my ass off. I was in school for 20 years straight. I have spent days and nights studying without rest. So no nothing comes naturally.
They don’t understand my decision to chase my happiness and dreams and not money. Money will come. You chase money and you are freaking miserable. I just want to change the world and be happy.
I can’t afford to continue to be in this situation its troubling my soul and my finances. For what I pay a month to share an apartment I can definitely find my own… I’m out of here March 1st.

I really don’t understand. I just don’t maybe I should start to treat people how they...

Mon, 24 Dec 2012 22:02:16 -0600

I really don’t understand. I just don’t maybe I should start to treat people how they treat me…. no exceptions

I am not Mannish... pt 1 of many

Wed, 21 Nov 2012 20:44:14 -0600

Seeing how I’m in this writing mood, and the keys on this mac is actually wonderful, I think I’m falling in love with it… really… I want to address this topic I’ve been trying to word for weeks now… Many people call me mannish. Yeah, thats not true… So I was raised by my brothers and older cousins and I see a guys perspective on a lot of things. And MAYBE I’m not as emotional as some women are… and MAYBE I’ve learned that the only way to ensure that game playing is down to a minimum is to keep everything upfront… BUT I AM A FREAKING WOMAN… I want all the girly things most INTELLIGENT twenty somethings want… I want to married, I want a family, I want to be happy…

There are times when I want to be held, just because I feel like the world is spinning too fast… I want to be in love with someone who loves me back… I know that sounds simple but its really not… I keep finding myself in situations where its very one sided… either its some guy who likes/loves me that I don’t vibe with… OR (and more often than the former) I find myself head over heels for someone who quite doesn’t understand or want my love… I want for a man to look at me and see more than Kiki my cool as hell homegirl but to see Zakiya, a beautiful woman to be desired.

So no I’m not “MANISH” I am however an adult woman who understands who she is, and the games that men play, or try to play…

On a kinda other note, I have acquired a new little sister… I want her and other young women to understand that they complicate things, by trying to deny things that they know… she asked me how I knew that Kevin (yeah thats a good random name) was sleeping with Kim (another good random name) and Diana (not as good… but I asked for help with random names). She asked me if Kevin told me… I told her he didn’t have to… any women who asks you what your role is in mans life, is 9 out of 10 times sleeping with that man, and you can’t expect a man to not sleep with the mother of his child. Unless you are in a committed relationship, that man and woman are connected and he, being a man, will more likely than not exploit that connection… So do I have to ask Kevin if he is sleeping with these women, NO… because I know he is. Now if I ask him and he lies to me, will I be hurt and upset? Yes, because I hate liars. Lesson of day, don’t ask dumb questions… present facts. Instead of “hey are you sleeping with Tammi” say, “You are sleeping with Tammi aren’t you?” one of them presents a fact, that you just want confirmed… because YOU ALREADY KNOW THE ANSWER. And because you ALREADY KNOW THE ANSWER, you should be prepared for the hurt/pain/rage that you are going to feel when he either tells the truth or lies about it.

Until next time…

Be Beautiful…

My own space

Wed, 21 Nov 2012 20:13:45 -0600

So I’m sitting at the genius bar, trying my hardest not to go home. Why you ask? because I don’t want to deal with my cousin whom I live with, or her “nonboyfriend” who will be visiting, or his son. I don’t want to, my head hurts and I’m thinking that I am going to move. I am. I need my own space, where I can cry and not have to worry about someone knocking on my door asking a million questions. I want to live my own life, make my own mistakes, and grow up on my own, without someone judging me. Ugh I hate the fact that she compares her life to mine, and how I’m not “together” or my friends are not as “together” as she was when she was our age… mind you she got married and had kids by the time she was twenty one. The only time she’s ever lived alone was the few months before I moved in… yet I am ONLY 25 and I have lived on my own since I was 17. Yeah I was at college, and technically my permeant address was with my mother, but I stayed there three out of 12 months… soooo I basically lived away from home. I have gone to college, graduated ON TIME, I went to law school and GRADUATED ON TIME… so while she has yet to obtain her Bachelors which she has been trying to get for at least 17 years now… I have gotten two degrees in the time it took her to get married have baby and get divorced… Now as she “finds herself” I’m not allowed to do the same thing in her eyes? I mean really… get the FUCK over yourself… I can’t live like this anymore… I can’t be judged and criticized, and stuff ALL THE TIME… like really I have to move… by February, I need to be in my own space…

ربي إنزع من قلبي حب كل شيء لا تحب

Fri, 09 Nov 2012 00:46:07 -0600

‎”My Lord, remove from my heart the love of everything that You do not love.”

Being black means...

Fri, 28 Sep 2012 19:32:14 -0500

People will automatically assume you can twerk / you have a weave / a big dick / a big butt

You'll be followed around walking into Korean owned beauty supply stores because they assume you are planning to steal

You are seen as the following : rude ,rachet , loud , ghetto , uneducated , hoodlums , gang affiliated , un-family oriented , dirty (I could go on)

You have to fit under the categories "light skinned" "red bone" "dark as hell" " nappy headed " "bald headed" "light bright and damn near white" "yellow as pee" "dark as shit" "yellow bone" "white" "Oreo" (I could also go on )

Whenever another fellow black person does something wrong the whole black community is suddenly responsible and looked down on .

You can't walk out the house in a hoodie and sweatpants (comfortable clothing) without being either a "robber , kidnapper , thief, and/or rapist"

#irant... Basic chicks

Fri, 28 Sep 2012 19:31:19 -0500

On this edition of irant, I address basic chicks. I wish basic chicks didn’t exist, not because I’m on some sort of mission to upgrade the women of world, but I wish they didn’t exist because guys who mess with basic chicks get used to them… Now normally it wouldn’t bother me because the solution is they become basic dudes… Basic dudes, get with basic chicks and have basic children, they eventually die out (I am a true believer in social Darwinism)… The problem lies in this new era where guys want a “First Lady Michelle”. Then they set their basic eyes on women like myself… Top shelf, high claibur women. Then they get perplexed and frustrated when they have to do things like open doors, pull out chairs, speak like they have sense… So to ensure that future men never have this problem let’s raise top shelf high claibur daughters… If there are no more basic chicks, men can’t show basic behaviour… #imjustsaying its gotta start somewhere… This #irant was brought to you by the letter D and the number 38…

#irant

Tue, 25 Sep 2012 17:57:22 -0500

On this edition of #irant… Idk about others out there, but I have high standards when it comes to dating. I know that I can have such standards because I hold them for myself. I never ask of people what I don’t or won’t deliver… With that being said I have this theory about men (go figure)… My theory is if you are trying to persuade me to establish (or keep) a relationship with you, then you have to prove to me that I can trust you with my most precious cargo… ME… (who thought I was going to say my heart?) If I ask you to come through for me on small stuff ( picking up a package, or printing out a document) and you leave me stranded, how am I going to trust you when I really need you (I’m stranded on I10 at three am with a flat)? If I ask you to come through for me, do that, if you can’t tell me upfront… There is nothing wrong with saying Z, I can’t do that but let me help you find someone who can… Or you can say… I can’t do that right now is it okay if I get that done on xyz day… That way I know where you stand, just not doing it, unacceptable.
Secondly if I trust you with me… Then act like I’m precious, or semi fragil. I’m not saying we can’t rough house (I’m still very much a tomboy) but maybe you shouldn’t drive like a bat out of east hell with fire still on its wings… Especially if you can SEE and I TELL YOU I’m uncomfortable and don’t feel safe. I mean if I don’t feel safe with you, what’s the point, I can feel on guard on like I have to fend for myself alone…
Moral of the story… Show me that your trustworthy with small things first, that way when the big stuff comes up then I don’t have to second third and fourth guess you…

Two years later

Sun, 02 Sep 2012 12:07:13 -0500

It has officially been two years since my last heartbreak… I’m in a much better much healthier, much happier place in my life. Thank God for growth and healing.

Now playing… (Taken with Instagram)

Sat, 11 Aug 2012 20:01:01 -0500

Now playing… (Taken with Instagram)

Salmon the official food of the fly girl (Taken with Instagram)

Sat, 11 Aug 2012 19:54:03 -0500

Salmon the official food of the fly girl (Taken with Instagram)

Piecing together the fly… It goes down tonight (Taken with...

Sat, 11 Aug 2012 19:52:09 -0500

Piecing together the fly… It goes down tonight (Taken with Instagram)

I so miss these girls (Taken with Instagram)

Fri, 03 Aug 2012 16:25:41 -0500

I so miss these girls (Taken with Instagram)

The before shot… I’m almost done (Taken with...

Thu, 26 Jul 2012 08:02:25 -0500

The before shot… I’m almost done (Taken with Instagram)

Taken with Instagram

Wed, 25 Jul 2012 13:04:14 -0500

Taken with Instagram

Jamming (Taken with Instagram)

Fri, 13 Jul 2012 16:39:35 -0500

Jamming (Taken with Instagram)