It been a long time since I’ve had a tumblr post… but with taking the bar again, and my ongoing personal life, I need to post… and might post more often. On today’s episode of #irant… There is nothing boyish about him… Warning this is less of a rant, but I like the #irant tag… so there you go.
I love being educated. It gives a deeper dynamic to the inherent strength that flows from my ancestors, and my upbringing. Just think of some of the great Black women of the past… what if Sojourner Truth had a Master’s degree, wouldn’t that just be the freaking buttercream icing on the chocolate cake… Not comparing myself to Mother Truth, but my opinion of my generation of educated black women; we are strategically placed in our community. Some of us are the bridge between the lesser educated women in our community and cooperate America. Some of us are just as lost as our sisters with no education… But that’s another rant for another day.
The curse of when you are educated, black, a woman, and in “cooperate America” is a story less glamorous. From a young age you realize that you have to exceed just be looked on as average. So by the time you enter the work force you realize you have to be in full beast/boss mode for the entire day, from day one. So for 8 to 12 or more hours a day… I am a boss. Little known fact… I don’t want to be a boss all day, The shit is exhausting. So I want a man that allows me to be woman. He doesn’t need me to take charge, or expects it from me. I want to be a mushy and soft. But I need the opportunity to.
I’ll use a word that’s been thrown around misused… SUBMISSIVE… I want to be submissive, it’s in my nature as woman but I need someone designed for me to be submissive to. And there can’t be anything boyish about him. He has to be a man in every way. Kind, understanding, protective, loving, fun… I could go on and on. Things he must have… a go getter attitude, stability, pride- justifiable pride… be ill in bed… nuff said. Seems impossible. I thought God didn’t make them like that and I would have to compromise on something. And then I met Guy…
There was nothing boyish about Guy. He’s about 6’0, ebony skin (I have a weakness for dark skin), beautiful full lips, and muscular. He is educated, and intelligent (yes they are two separate things). He has ambition, and drive, he has a spiritual maturity that astounds me, he works two jobs and is a great dad. And furthermore, all those things I described before… he has. He reminds me that I am a woman, I’m emotional and vulnerable, and IT’S OKAY. It’s an overwhelming feeling. Guy served as a realization of two very important things… One… God does make a man with nothing boyish about him… and two… Every “hero” has a tragic flaw (that’s a little bit of Greek mythology/ literary structure for you guys.
More on Guy and his tragic flaw later… but trust me the LESSON IS LEARNED…